is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
