yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
