Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
