he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
