so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
