so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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