Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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