Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I didn't notice because vodka
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
