I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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