So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
NoShamevember. You game?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Randomize
