My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
