Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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