dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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