I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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