i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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