I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
