I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
love makes seman taste better
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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