Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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