he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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