from now on my penis is your penis
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
