You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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