the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
