Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
