..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
