if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
