Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
