If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
