i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
