fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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