i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
