I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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