And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
