What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
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