A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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