My first STD was from a foam party
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
