the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
its liver damage thursday
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