I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
