His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
