I wish I could teleport
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
