i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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