I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
