The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
