sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
there's paper in my vomit.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
