if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
no you cant smoke seaweed
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
