South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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