omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
