At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
