I feel great
I just peed on a car
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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