life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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