All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
