is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
