Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
