NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
