there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
