I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
