I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
