there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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