I love black thongs
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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