I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
