I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
